#5 – The DVR Came Up Short

Farokhmanesh

You grew up in Cedar Falls, Iowa (I think we all know where I’m going from here). You love your life. In fact, you’ve built a very good life for you and your family and you’re pretty excited because recently your Northern Iowa Panthers won the Missouri Valley Conference (even though they’re from Iowa) and got an automatic invitation to what we sports fans like to call “The Big Dance.”

Your first round game is on a Thursday night and Cedar Falls is “rockin’.” You have the boys over for a great night that culminates with a dagger shot from your star guard: Ali Farokhmanesh. Remember that name, if you can.

You’re still excited on Friday afternoon after work when your wife sweetly reminds you about your 2^nd cousin’s outdoor wedding that you agreed to be an usher at because her boy band fiancée doesn’t have any friends (how many groups of people did I just insult there?).

You’re mortified. Northern Iowa and Kansas play at 4 PM. The wedding starts at 5.

You devise a plan: systematically wean yourself off of any and all electronic devices starting Saturday morning at 11 AM and bring ear plugs for the reception in case any family member tries to give you updates. You set the DVR and dream about being back in your house post-wedding watching the game.

You devise a better plan: skip the reception.

You set the DVR for that extra 30-minute feature it offers and pray against a 4OT game.

The wedding goes as planned and you’re flying home in your Ford Explorer while your wife tries to explain to the family that you’re allergic to wedding cake. You try to forget about what happened before the wedding in the dressing room with the rest of the boy band members.

You fling open the door to your house, crack one open (a Coke), and hit play on the DVR. Everything is as it should be. Your Panthers are even leading mighty KU deep into the second half.

Then it happens. It’s a culmination of atrocities really. Halftime went longer than expected because they had to drag the Panther off the floor after a trampoline dunk gone awry. N. Iowa is slowing things down (who wouldn’t against Kansas?), and Kansas’ coach has used all of his timeouts (who wouldn’t if they were losing to N. Iowa?).

You continue to believe everything is going to be ok even though that little cursor on the DVR is getting anxiously close to the end.

All of a sudden you’re standing up and there are 40 seconds left and your Panthers get the rebound and throw it ahead to the aforementioned Farokhmanesh for what appears to be another dagger 3.

Then the biggest white people problem related to recording devices in the post-VHS era occurs. Your DVR runs out. Nothing. It’s black.

You have to turn to ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN3, ESPN4, ESPNEWS, ESPN Classic (it’s already on), ESPN Deportes (you don’t understand), or flip the computer on ESPN360 for a recap.

Farokhmanesh hit the shot. Your white people problem has a good ending.